You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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