HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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