you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
