I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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