Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
