tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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