I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
