I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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