just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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