You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
