i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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