so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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