just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
