Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
