FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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