i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
