My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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