Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
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the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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