How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same