Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(718): View more from New York

My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.

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(718): My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life. http://tfl.nu/tfvf

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(253): View more from Washington

I'm going to rape someone's good day.

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(253): I'm going to rape someone's good day. http://tfl.nu/to10

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(317): View more from Indiana

I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.

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(317): I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure. http://tfl.nu/rujq

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(614): View more from Ohio

how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready

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(614): how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready http://tfl.nu/g5tv

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(402): View more from Nebraska

how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?

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(402): how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship? http://tfl.nu/xa9a

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(334): View more from Alabama

just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day

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(334): just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day http://tfl.nu/5gym

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water

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(203): Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water http://tfl.nu/s84f

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(253): View more from Washington

I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.

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(253): I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore. http://tfl.nu/1haa

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(320): View more from Minnesota

I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.

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(320): I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on. http://tfl.nu/x1xg

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(805): View more from California

my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.

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(805): my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad. http://tfl.nu/gbnx

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(772): View more from Florida

No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand

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(772): No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand http://tfl.nu/pktd

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(443): View more from Maryland

you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.

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(443): you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life. http://tfl.nu/pccz

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(716): View more from New York

I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.

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(716): I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone. http://tfl.nu/d9tx

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(540): View more from Virginia

If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.

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(540): If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year. http://tfl.nu/169q

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(716): View more from New York

You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.

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(716): You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole. http://tfl.nu/l1gi

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