I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
