Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
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doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.