Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She started it, but I totally finished it.

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  (404): A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds (404): She started it, but I totally finished it. http://tfl.nu/luqt
  Replies (6) Good night (3518) Bad night (584)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.

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  (720): The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in. http://tfl.nu/itcs
  Replies (34) Good night (1909) Bad night (5189)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.

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  (414): I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome. http://tfl.nu/m7qx
  Replies (4) Good night (3112) Bad night (910)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.

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  (587): She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28. http://tfl.nu/r7ey
  Replies (8) Good night (969) Bad night (4288)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.

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  (225): If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/axif
  Replies (7) Good night (1124) Bad night (2746)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.

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  (410): I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you. http://tfl.nu/qo8n
  Replies (24) Good night (4086) Bad night (1230)
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  (408): View more from California

  I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year

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  (408): I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year http://tfl.nu/dryh
  Replies (3) Good night (1703) Bad night (615)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure

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  (267): dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure http://tfl.nu/1m9t
  Replies (23) Good night (3699) Bad night (656)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.

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  (478): this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this. http://tfl.nu/syfp
  Replies (8) Good night (1298) Bad night (861)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors

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  (315): I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors http://tfl.nu/1c0w
  Replies (8) Good night (1946) Bad night (491)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.

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  (304): Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms. http://tfl.nu/onlr
  Replies (5) Good night (1941) Bad night (404)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?

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  (636): Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general? http://tfl.nu/a6jg
  Replies (5) Good night (752) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"

  (1+61): View more from

  I don't know if I want context or not...

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.

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  (+61): After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort" (1+61): I don't know if I want context or not... (+61): Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5. http://tfl.nu/jpk3
  Replies (2) Good night (706) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing

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  (315): at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing http://tfl.nu/t14u
  Replies (3) Good night (787) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."

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  (909): While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run." http://tfl.nu/99ml
  Replies (1) Good night (822) Bad night (313)

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