I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
