I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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