My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
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i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
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Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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