ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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