So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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