you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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