I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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