If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
