ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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