is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
