hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
