Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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