A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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