I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
