Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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