we're chasing vodka with high fives
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
