the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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