some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
