I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
