She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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