my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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