How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
