The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
