Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize