Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
