at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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