I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
