Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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