I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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