Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
