Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(251): View more from Alabama

Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?

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(828): View more from North Carolina

so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf

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(785): View more from Kansas

So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.

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(914): View more from New York

shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us

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(225): View more from Louisiana

I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.

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(867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage

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