Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
