I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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