Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
did you just send me my own nude
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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