he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
