My balls are so social today.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
