Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize