Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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