Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
