Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
