why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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