so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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