dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
