i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
