dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
