I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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