I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
